I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
two words...techno handjob
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
