this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
