you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize