so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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