and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
