if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
