you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize