She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
