My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
