JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
