I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
