Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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