Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
