Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
