Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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