There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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