so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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