Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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