she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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