where am i from again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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