I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
