it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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