I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
