So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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