so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
