I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.