She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.