Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!