There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Welp...herpes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
