the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.