garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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