Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.