I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
