It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He felt like a one man threesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will be naked everywhere
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
