I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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