In the future we'll all be gay
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He shit in the fireplace
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
