he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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