Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
