Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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