neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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