I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
