The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
