Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
