Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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