my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
