while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
