btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
