He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
