The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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