My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
