i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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