he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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