Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
