I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
