I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
