Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have to summon your inner elephant
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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