Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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