I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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