I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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