life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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