how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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