i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
