He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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