Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
