hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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