i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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