Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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