i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
