I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
