Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
