Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
