I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
