Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
