and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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